Don't punch yourself with someone else's fist: How to fix attribution errors.

Every once in awhile, I find myself performing an internal face-palm of sorts. I am sure you can relate. In the space of about three minutes, someone won’t zipper-merge onto the freeway; someone else cuts you off; then yet another bright bulb holds up three lanes of traffic as he tries to exit to the right from the left-most lane, with the left blinker on the entire time. It's one thing after another, the whole world has gone mad! Mad! What is wrong with everybody?! It seems that all the idiots in the five-mile radius have conspired to converge on this spot for the sole purpose of making your life more irritating. 

Did I lose you? That would be nice, but unlikely. Most people can’t resist the temptation to attribute malicious intent to strangers who likely don’t even know we exist. We neatly edit out evidence that will not fit, clump together a bunch of unconnected instances of bumping up against people – and voila! Everyone is out to get you. On purpose. Because nobody has anything better to do than to design and implement nefarious plans to mess with your day. Right?

Let's go back and revisit that frustrating commute example. Since you did make it to work after all, would it be fair to assume that after that one driver didn’t let you merge – the next one did? What is up with that one? How about the one who silently (!) slowed down behind you when you had to slam on the breaks to avoid ramming the idiot that cut you off? What’s with her?

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Over the years, I have developed a sequence that costs me very little, takes just a few seconds, and has the power to shrink the mountain of day-destroying perceived negativity back to the mole-hill it really is. 

1. Acknowledge that you are having a “What is wrong with everybody?!” moment.
2. Recall that since very few things in life are absolute, “everybody” is likely an exaggeration.
3. Recall that “everybody” can’t possibly be out to get you. Because most of them don’t know you.
5. Say: “This was a freak event, unrelated to me. It’s over. Nothing to learn here. Moving on.”
6. Experience a moment of gratitude for relative infrequency of such glitches.
7. Move on with your life.


Happy Tuesday, my self-aware friends!

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